Ah, winter. Snow falls gently on a Christmas decorated lit lawn as the brisk, winter wind blows down on a town filled with holiday spirit. There is laughter and cheer echoing from the – oh, what’s that? That’s only in the movies!? Shoot, let me start over.
Ahem. Take two.
Sheets of black ice lay hidden on the pavement, causing kid after kid to slip onto their backs and cry for their unsuspecting parents who will slip after them. The trees are barren, the grass is wilted, and there isn’t a flower in sight. The dreary blue skies offer no solstice against the bitter cold which, no matter how many layers one may have on, seep deeply into the bones of every human living in the Northern Hemisphere during the months of November through February.
Unfortunately, this is the sad reality for billions of people who have to live through this terrible season year after year. It’s 2023 now and time for change. I have collaborated with the rest of my coworkers (minus one ugh) to make a definitive point for why we as a society should cancel winter and end the madness once and for all, starting with no better than our lovely EIC’s.
“Honestly, I agree with Teddy,” senior Alieen Ramirez said. “Sarah needs to focus more on her work than throwing elementary level insults across the room. I couldn’t care less about Sarah’s thoughts on winter.”
However even beyond alleged missing work and petty insults, one thing remains very true:
“Winter sucks,” junior Georgina Bolanos said. “It’s when everyone starts selling out of all the K-pop merch I like. I’m a broke high school student, my income is less steady than most. I’m not a first come first serve kind of guy – I take whatever three dollars can buy, which happens to not be exclusive posters or tickets.”
Despite this lack of cheer and happiness that cold weather bestows upon the human race, some people still choose to wallow in their own agony.
“I hate summer,” senior Sarah Tadesse said. “I mean seriously, who cares if you’re cold? Put on a jacket, wear an extra blanket, drink some hot cocoa. Good lord, y’all are acting like whiny children who are unable to take care of themselves. You guys need to grow a pair, and stop hating on the best season of the year.”
See? Look at the lack of logic in that argument. Clearly this is unreliable and dumb. That just gives everyone another reason to hate winter.
“I feel sort of bad to be saying this, but I just love Mariah Carey too much, so winter is instantly my favorite season,” senior Kenneth Jordan said. “The thought of her iconic, ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ song being back on the radio is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. I hate to say it, but it’s true.”
This sort of ideology is unbelievable. It won’t be gaslighted into liking winter. You can’t make me. You can’t.
“Do I prefer summer or winter? I can’t really say,” sophomore Abdul Ali said. “What I can say for certain though is that if this tension doesn’t clear, I’m 90% certain there might be a civil war amongst the staff, and I’m 100% certain the EIC’s wouldn’t be pleased.”
To try to rectify this tension, Journalism teacher Ms. Sidhu took her Newspaper staff on an outside field trip for a day.
“I love my students,” Sidhu said. “I always want what’s best for them. I’m hoping letting them have a chance to bask in nature will give them an appreciation for all sorts of seasons. I think everyone can have an opinion on things, but it’s also important to have a good, civil environment where students can work.”
Getting to enjoy the incoming fall air brought a change over the students.
“I’m glad the tensions gone,” Ramirez said. “I was ready to double everyone’s work load to keep them distracted. If I learned anything from this, it’s that if another stupid argument breaks out, we’ll just take it to a vote and get it over with. I also learned both Sarah’s need to stay on opposite sides of the room, dear god.”
