Everyone Outraged at Pre-K Level Bathroom Graffiti

Writing in bathrooms has been under fire with grammatical corrections and critiques of creativity.

“I have never seen such atrocious writing until today,” English teacher Virginia Grammarie said. “You can really tell who uses Grammarly and who doesn’t. If you’re going to ruin the restrooms with your writing, you might as well write correctly. Spare everyone’s eyes the trouble of your lackluster writing skills.”

The writing irked Grammarie so much, they took their class to the restrooms to analyze the writing.

“I can’t believe the audacity of the writing,” Grammarie said. “How can someone put this out there and believe it’s well thought out. STAAR is creeping up on us, if they put this out in their casual writing who knows what their essays will look like. We just went over possessives yesterday and I found writing misusing them and it had the handwriting of one of my students. So, we’ve been using these mistakes as warmups, and they’ve been working. One that I used had the wrong ‘their’. One of my students defended it as an ‘artistic choice’ but sorry Chad, using ‘there’ when you should ‘their’ isn’t an artistic choice, but it is an easy way to a bad grade.”

With raised awareness of the flaws with bathroom graffiti, students’ standards have risen.

“I can’t believe we are letting this kind of writing out there,” junior Jeanie Applebottom said. “When Ms. Grammarie showed us Chad’s mistake, I felt that secondhand embarrassment in my soul. Also that excuse of artistic choice probably wouldn’t go over well for STAAR. I mean, how would they know? I still see mistakes, but now I carry white out whenever I go to the bathroom. I’m hoping that they improve after looking at my corrections. I’m just trying to save them from embarrassing themselves.”

Students have started contributing to the cause by making the graffiti better for everyone to read.

“Some things I read on those walls were not giving at all,” senior Ronald Mcdonald said. “So for my senior project this year I’m making better graffiti for everyone to enjoy. People write swears or just boring things and I can’t stand it.”

Mcdonald has already started with his project, so far two bathrooms are filled with his graffiti.

“I started by putting some nice things in some stalls, something inspirational in some restrooms,” Mcdonald said. “It could be sweet or something funny, for the sad people. I also put some rude things in other stalls, some people really need to be humbled. People here sometimes think they are doing something when they aren’t, it’s like a friendly reminder. So, there is something for everyone. Now, I want to try to make my graffiti more interactable, by combining real objects into my work. I have this furby head at home, I’m thinking about working that into my project. Maybe by starting a shrine or making a long furby. Whatever it may be, any new addition to the bathrooms brings me closer to my dream of making better bathroom graffiti for all of us.”

Grammarie will open a club next year to promote better bathroom graffiti.

“We as a school can do so much better,”Grammarie said. “It will be one step at a time but I’m sure we can do it. We just have to start.”

…

I lied. This is a satire.