Frightening Failure: The Ghost That Can’t Haunt


Sophia Garcia, Feature Editor

The lights in the classroom flicker, goosebumps go up your spine. Was it always this cold in the classroom, you can’t remember. The lights then shut off, your classmates start to panic. You see a pool of blood on the floor, hear deathly screams, and experience the fright of your life. An experience like this is guaranteed to never happen with the ghost that haunts this school.

Jerv, the ghost with the least, is deemed a ‘frightening failure’ because he can barely produce a squeak of fear from anyone at school.

“Why am I trash at my job,” Jerv said. “I graduated top of my class at Ghostiversity, my degree is in ‘Terror and Fright’, I’m a Ghostillionaire, I’m THE best. But here I am, a washed up loser haunting a school. A school for crying out loud!”

Jerv claims his lack at haunting isn’t some sort of issue with his skills, but that ‘morally it’s wrong to haunt students.

“It’s not like I couldn’t scare them to death,” Jerv said. “But they’re learning and doing all of this work for their futures so I feel bad. I know some of them want me to haunt but some people just don’t get paid enough to deal with me, or so I’ve been told.”

Jerv says it’s okay that he can’t haunt to the fullest, because the students are scarier than him.

“I pushed Chad in the lunchroom,” Jerv said. “He then hit the kid behind me, and caused a fight. I didn’t know the kids were up to fighting each other these days, I mean really some of them are barbarians. I know I’m the ghost here, but some people at this school are monsters.”

When told about the ghost, students didn’t seem to care.

“Oh that guy,” junior Jeanie Applebottom said. “He acts like he came from a low budget horror movie. It’s so depressing to watch, every time he tries to be scary I feel my soul dying. He should stop, it’s way too sad.”

If students did care, it was because the ghost has “bad timing.”

“It’s so annoying,” freshman Dissa Pointmen said. “He didn’t even turn off the Wi-Fi during my nine-weeks test. I was kind of hopeful when the lights barely flickered but then he just gave up. I know it was him because I heard him crying in the bathroom over failing. I’m the one who should be crying, that test was scarier than him. He needs to dry the tears and get good at his job.”

After all the backlash from students and staff, Jerv released an apology to the school.

“I get that I’m bad okay,” Jerv said. “You’re all just haters. But I guess I am sorry or whatever. No one would ever understand the never ending story of a poor ghost like me. I guess I’ll just have to stick to haunting my nice mansion, and cry on my million dollar couch. I’m the real victim here!”

I lied. This is a satire.